The Tenth of May

So here we are at 1:15 in the morning, and I am happy to report there is no baby yet. Today was a nerve racking day to say the least. All I knew was that there was a possibility of induction today and I would have nothing prepared for it. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a planner and I always like to be prepared for EVERYTHING, but in this case there would have been no time. Do you know how hard it is to prepare for something when you are told not to get out of bed, let me tell you, it is nearly impossible.

I wish I could say today was like any other but the truth is that I was a mess all day on the inside and hiding it on the outside. After saving your urine for 24 hours and not being able to get up for anything other than to use the restroom it really puts things into perspective on just how serious things have gotten.

I woke up for the first time this morning around 8 a.m. I went into the nursery and cried while I said a prayer to God to give me strength today amongst other things. I sat there and looked at the outfit we had gotten our lil man to wear home from the hospital in newborn and just cried thinking about how it would not fit and there was no time to get him anything smaller, nor did I want to do that. So I took a deep breathe and said no to myself, there is no point to this because everything is going to be fine, God is going to take care of us as he always has.

The next time I woke up it was about 11:30 and I felt like I woke up a different person. I allowed myself to forget my fears and just told myself this is just another day, not a baby day. My wonderful husband brought me a delicious breakfast in bed and we just enjoyed one another again. Sometime shortly after we fell back asleep and did not wake up until 3 p.m. It was the best way to spend the day and definitely the most relaxing.

Now it is 5 and time to go to the hospital, and oh crept here comes the nerves again. I could feel it, my stomach was in a million knots. It felt like I was going to have to my fate decided. So we arrive at the hospital and the nurse took my blood pressure. 148/92, she told me I need to relax or it will make things worse. So I had them bring Ben into the room and what do you know 140/91, better. Next one 138/88 after we laughed at Ben’s old college id. After that my others were better as well. Ok so this was good because as long as I could keep my blood pressure down then that would be one less reason for an induction. The nurse comes in and says ok blood pressure is looking good so I am going to unhook you. Oh what a relief I somehow managed to lower my bp just by relaxing and not thinking about anything. As if waiting yesterday was not enough I would have to wait again to find out if I would have to be induced. It takes hours to get back my urine results so I would leave and they would call if I would need to come back in. Well it is a good thing that they are not checking my bp now, geeze.

Ben and I left the hospital and decided to go over to my brother’s for a home cooked dinner and some family tlc. As I was walking up to the door the phone rings and wouldn’t you know it, it is the hospital. At this point I am pretty sure my heart dropped a little. I thought they said hours, but ok bring it on. The nurse said I would have to come back to the hospital for some blood work they forgot to take. Funny part is I asked several times if they needed blood work and repeatedly told no, but never the less we were heading back to the hospital.

So blood work was painless and I was told that no news would be good news. So yet again I would just have to wait and see if my phone rings. But for now we are on our way back for that home cooked meal, yummy.

So after an awesome meal, realaxing, and some family time it is now 1:40 a.m. Ben and I are home and still no call from the hospital. What a relief again I must be doing something right, feels good.

Trust me I know things can chage in an instant but for now I remain possitive, count all my blessing and am so thankful that our lil man gets to grow for another day!

Now we wait until my appointment on Monday….

So it is obviously not a secret that I have had my share of problems with this pregnancy, but in the last few weeks things have gotten worst. Yesterday I went to the hospital for my NST but did not make it to that. Instead I walked right into triage and told them something does not feel right. Long story short I was throwing up all day, very dizzy, and seeing spots. See, I have known for a few weeks now that things have gotten worst, but I guess I really had no idea how bad they were. It turns out that toxemia get progressively worst and then becomes very harmful to the baby, because your body begins to reject pregnancy. It also causes your blood pressure to sky rocket and your kidneys to start to fail. Hearing all this is really over whelming for a 21 year old, of course then again it is most common at my age for first time pregnancies. So they had some blood work done at the hospital and it turned out that everything had gotten worst in a matter of a few days, since Tuesday was when I had my blood taken last. I swear sometimes I feel like a pin cushion. So after the labs were taken and my blood pressure I was set up for a 24 hour urine analysis and told that I would have to come back tomorrow at 5 tomorrow. Also just to make matters worse they told me the Dr’s name that would be on duty tomorrow if they would have to induce me, and it was not my doctor either. All I kept thinking was no way, he is not ready, 35 weeks and 3 days is just to early.

I have always had faith in God and believe that everything in life happens for a reason, but I also believe sometimes these reasons are just not fair. Just to make matters worst my parents would not be here since they went to Vegas for the weekend, oh I was devastated.

Ok so here is where we are; went in for vomiting, dizziness, and blurred vision, came out thinking I could be induced, have a premature baby tomorrow, my parents are not here, and why me? Holy crept it was a lot to process. So I cried to my mom, to myself and to Ben, and then decided I wasn’t going to cry anymore. At this point I knew that worrying about it would not do me or the baby any good, so my plan was to act like everything was fine. I came home I explained to Ben what could possibly be happening, we took a few minutes and then moved on. We spent the whole night laughing, watching movies, and just enjoying one another. I feel so blessed that I have someone so supportive in my life that allows me to see the good in everything even when evil is present.

So now we wait until 5…..

Since I am on bed rest washing and hanging all of his clothes was a little difficult, but with the help of my hubby we got it done. Here is some pics of me sitting in a chair putting all his clean clothes back on the hangers so Ben could put them in his closet! I had so much fun doing this.


In these pics I am 35 weeks and 1 day!

The day after the baby shower my mom came over to help me get everything organized. We had stuff everywhere and Ben came in and took pictures of our BIG mess. Enjoy!!!

There will be more pics to come, these were just the ones that my hubby took before he left and after we got home.

Things have definitely taken a difficult turn for us in the last few days. Starting Wednesday I was officially placed on bed rest, as of right now I am not sure for how long but I will find out on Monday. It is really difficult when you go from being so active to not being able to do anything. I hate depending on others for things but at this point I do not have much of a choice. I went into my doctor’s office that afternoon for swelling. To me this did not seem like normal pregnancy swelling, I felt like something was not right. My doctor took one look at my feet and hands and said you need to go to the hospital for some testing. At the time I did not think much of it because they had done so many tests on me before that had come back negative. So i was taken down to the NST unit (non stress testing) and placed on monitors. One thing I know for sure is no matter how many things I am going through our lil man is going to be a strong baby. The doctor said his heartbeat is so strong and his movement is always in full swing. So of course he passed all of his tests including his fluid check. So at this point I felt like I could breathe knowing he was ok. Well when I got there they also took samples of my blood, and it turns out that I have Toxemia. At first when I was told that, I really had no idea what it was I just knew that it was serious. From there I was told I would be coming to the hospital 2 times a weeks to be monitored and for them to do ultrasounds. Oh yippee more hospital time, as if they don’t know me by name there already. Here is the funny part, I was super hydrated, well at least I finally managed to get that right 200 ounces a day later.
Ok, I thought to myself, everything is going to be fine. I have always placed it all in God’s hands and I have to continue to do so now. I am definitely scared but I have faith that everything happens for a reason. I am not sure of the reason, but who am I to question it.
So far it has been a few days, and I am honestly bored out of my mind. I am pretty sure if Ben did not work from home I would go crazy. Everyone has been so supportive and I know I just have to push through, because it will all be worth it when we get to hold our beautiful baby boy.
Our lil guy will be full term on Sept 1st, so I am just praying he holds out until then so I know he will be as healthy as he can be. If he has to come earlier, we will deal with that as well.
Even though I will be sitting in a chair all day I still have a baby shower to look forward to tomorrow. I can’t wait to see what my mom , Beth and Brandi have come up with. I know it is going to be amazing.
I am so thankful for everyone that is in our lives! )))